Rabbi for Hire

from by Tzvi Gluckin

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Three dollars for a bottle of water
Two dollars for an apple
Three-fifty for a small bag of potato chips
Lines, headaches, and close encounters with security
I can get used to this

Its all part of a days work, you dig?
I travel everywhere
Toronto, Chicago, Seattle, Tucson, and South Bend Indiana
I've seen them all

Santiago Chile? I've been there
Pucón? Yup
Lima Peru? The airport
Bratislava, Prague, Paris, and Torremolinos Spain? All in a day's work
London? Please, 5 times
Where else? Paris? Yup.
Cancún? I was flown in for a wedding.

I pray in bus stops
Baggage claim areas
Highways, stairwells, airplanes, busses, and in the backs of taxi cabs
I've prayed by the beach, in the desert, parking lots, waterfalls, jungles
Rest areas, convenience stores, and even the random synagogue

I am rabbi for hire
I am here to service your spiritual needs

I cater to wayward youth, college students, children, teens, middle age housewives, young professionals, urban hipsters, and suburban radicals

I go everywhere, meet everyone, see everything
And eat anything provided it has the requisite rabbinical certification
I will listen to your problems, talk to you about God, discuss pleasure
Evolution, relationships, the age of the universe
Free will, the chosen people, suffering, the Holocaust
Bad things and good people
Moses, Mt Sinai, the Bible, Christians, but don't get me started on politics
I hate politics

I will teach you about marriage, sex, dating, parenting, and love if you are interested
… But you probably know it all already

I will talk to anyone; the sincere, lonely, bored, disenfranchised, angry, crazy, searching, alienated, confused, technical, scientific, mystical, empty, atheists, born again, and never again

But not if they're open minded
No one is more close minded than the open minded

I am rabbi for hire
I am here to service your spiritual needs
And I am coming soon to your town


from (MiMi), released April 28, 2013
Tzvi Gluckin – Guitar, Vocals
Dean Cassell – Bass
Andy Plaisted – Drums

© 2013 by Tzvi Gluckin



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Tzvi Gluckin Boston, Massachusetts

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